Terms of Endearment

Sunday night was a disaster, my bio-dad had been staying with me since Tuesday night, but I was reaching my breaking point (quite literally) and could no longer stand to have my father stay at my house, his emotionally abusive behavior became too much for me to stand.

I was worried about how to approach the subject, not wanting to offend or hurt his feelings, so I very politely told him that I needed to take back my personal space and would like him to spend the next couple nights in a hotel. I also offered to pay for the stay since lodging was not in his budget.

He then proceeded to go through various stages of personality changes; all in about a half an hour period. It was an odd experience, but eventually he just left, went running back to his home state that night, claiming that "the universe" was telling him he had to leave Minnesota. Upon his return home he informed my sister that he will no longer be speaking to me and I have been provided with a list of things I need to do before he will talk to me again:

1. Admit I did him wrong
2. Have a strong desire to fix my "character defects" (which is any part of my personality that is reminiscent of my mother or maternal grandmother)
3. Have already made some progress in fixing my defects

While at the present moment I am beyond even thinking about my father's little list, this experience-- my mental breakdown, his mental breakdown-- scared me enough to push me into making some very intentional changes in my day to day life. I need to become more independent. Today is day three.

Means for Personal Transformation:

• Find activities that I enjoy doing on my own
• Take advantage of my free time (and do these activities)
• Journal daily (reflect when I'm feeling down or lonely)
• Make tiny-achievable goals for every day

Highway Hypnosis

According to the great and all knowing Wikipedia "highway hypnosis" is described as, "a mental state in which [a] person can drive a truck or automobile great distances, responding to external events in the expected manner with no recollection of having consciously done so. In this state the driver's conscious mind is apparently fully focused elsewhere..."

Despite the fact that technically I am not able to legally drive a truck, automobile or any other sort of motor vehicle I have been experiencing these highway hypnotic episodes on a rather frequent basis these last couple days and for my very first post I will give you some examples:

1. Locking myself out of my apartment last night, leaving my cat trapped in the house without food and leaving me outside with out any means of breaking back in.
2. Heading to the local cafe down the street this morning (in order to study for an exam I have tomorrow) and forgetting all of my work at home. Of course only realizing this after I've ordered a large cappuccino for here and not in a to-go cup. (Hence the reason I am now starting this blog and not studying)

OK-- so far I only have two examples, not sure if this is enough to actually be considered a list, but it is definitely enough for me to start thinking that I need to get my head out of the clouds and start paying closer attention to whatever the hell I happen to be doing. As these "episodes" continue, as I'm sure they will, I will add to the list and perhaps change the title to, "stupid shit that Sarita does daily."

I will now end this almostlistonmynewblogaboutlists with a TO DO list. My favorite type of all lists.

TO DO:

• Study
• Make copies of my keys
• Email my boss about that thing
• Think up more list topics and then blog about them