Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Terms of Endearment

Sunday night was a disaster, my bio-dad had been staying with me since Tuesday night, but I was reaching my breaking point (quite literally) and could no longer stand to have my father stay at my house, his emotionally abusive behavior became too much for me to stand.

I was worried about how to approach the subject, not wanting to offend or hurt his feelings, so I very politely told him that I needed to take back my personal space and would like him to spend the next couple nights in a hotel. I also offered to pay for the stay since lodging was not in his budget.

He then proceeded to go through various stages of personality changes; all in about a half an hour period. It was an odd experience, but eventually he just left, went running back to his home state that night, claiming that "the universe" was telling him he had to leave Minnesota. Upon his return home he informed my sister that he will no longer be speaking to me and I have been provided with a list of things I need to do before he will talk to me again:
  1. Admit I did him wrong
  2. Have a strong desire to fix my "character defects" (which is any part of my personality that is reminiscent of my mother or maternal grandmother)
  3. Have already made some progress in fixing my defects
While at the present moment I am beyond even thinking about my father's little list, this experience-- my mental breakdown, his mental breakdown-- scared me enough to push me into making some very intentional changes in my day to day life. I need to become more independent. Today is day three.

Means for Personal Transformation:
  • Find activities that I enjoy doing on my own
  • Take advantage of my free time (and do these activities)
  • Journal daily (reflect when I'm feeling down or lonely)
  • Make tiny-achievable goals for every day

1 comment:

  1. goals are good and independence is extremely important...something i'm ALSO working on in my every day life.

    i love you, sarita, and i hope you're doing alright. tonight will be funnnn!